Local News

  • Bondi Targets Nosara in Press Conference

    Bondi Targets Nosara in Press Conference

    In a bizarre turn of events at a Washington DC press conference yesterday, strangely hot MAGA chick and US Attorney General Pamela Bondi listed Nosara – along with Chicago, Portland, Los Angeles, and 15 other cities –  as an Out of Control Hellhole where People Eat Dogs. (OCHPED) The OCHPED designation is significant: so far,

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  • Become Nosara Battles Paranormal Forces

    Become Nosara Battles Paranormal Forces

    For nearly a year now, rumors of paranormal activity have swirled around Become Nosara, the Area 51-themed living complex just south of Guiones. Yesterday, hard evidence suddenly emerged. El Favorito door guard Héctor Sandoval Cerdas, who lives directly across the national road from Become Nosara, received a Ring door camera from his cousin Jose as

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  • Controversy swirls around proposed Gondola midstation

    Controversy swirls around proposed Gondola midstation

    Nosarans awoke today to a firestorm of overnight developments in the Bodhi Tree Gondola drama, after news broke of a proposed midstation at Casa Vitality that would involve re-routing the current road through Guiones Beach Club.  Alert readers will have noticed that the Nosara Lately website was under heavy DDOS attack last night, noticeably reducing

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  • Paltrow Deal Collapses, Burnham Vanishes, Local Children in Tears

    Paltrow Deal Collapses, Burnham Vanishes, Local Children in Tears

    Word began to spread through Guiones last night that all was not well with Gwynneth Paltrow’s landmark purchase of Surfing Nosara. By dawn, the four-million-dollar deal was in flames. We begin our reporting with a quick summary of overnight developments: Given the dizzying speed of these developments, Nosara Lately does not intend to speculate –

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  • Prominent Nosara Lawyer Sues Entire Country

    Prominent Nosara Lawyer Sues Entire Country

    Legendary local attorney Andrés González yesterday filed suit against the entire nation of Costa Rica, charging that  Costa Rica has ‘delayed long enough’ the inevitable switch to English as Costa Rica’s national language. In a masterfully written seven page brief to the Supreme Court, arguing on behalf of local sour-ass K-Section guy Kenneth Mctavish, the

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  • Bodhi Tree Bombshell: “Ceibo is the Jim Jones of K-Section”

    Bodhi Tree Bombshell: “Ceibo is the Jim Jones of K-Section”

    Bodhi Tree leveled serious accusations at beloved local sound healer Ceibo today, saying that their new AirTagging system shows “beyond any doubt” that nearly all of their guests who get “lost” on the way to the beach actually end up at Ceibo’s house in K-Section. “It’s unbelievable,” said Bodhi’s AirTag Project Leader, Geiner Solano Duarte,

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  • Guiones Tidepools: NCA Turtle Detection Program Begins

    Guiones Tidepools: NCA Turtle Detection Program Begins

    The new NCA program to regulate and monetize the Guiones tidepools got off to a smooth start yesterday, with nearly 100 tourists accessing the tidepools under the NCA’s new Turtle-Safe Tidepool Experience program. When we stopped by the Baker entrance yesterday, tidepool visitors were assembling just past the board scanning machine, before being escorted towards

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  • Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Nosarans woke this morning to the surreal news that Gwynneth Paltrow has bought both the Surfing Nosara building and the Rich Burnham media empire, consisting of Rich Burnham Podcast, This Week in Nosara, and Bearded Guy does Surf Check. Details are still emerging, but sources within Surfing Nosara have confirmed the following: The Surfing Nosara

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  • ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    Nosara Lately has learned from well-placed sources that ICE is planning to cease all operations and withdraw completely from Guanacaste. “It’s a hellhole,” said one senior management figure. “I don’t know how we ever got into this place. It’s like Afghanistan.But worse.” Many ICE employees in Guanacaste have not seen their families since the rains

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