Local News

  • Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Nosarans woke this morning to the surreal news that Gwynneth Paltrow has bought both the Surfing Nosara building and the Rich Burnham media empire, consisting of Rich Burnham Podcast, This Week in Nosara, and Bearded Guy does Surf Check. Details are still emerging, but sources within Surfing Nosara have confirmed the following: The Surfing Nosara

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  • Become Nosara Battles Paranormal Forces

    Become Nosara Battles Paranormal Forces

    For nearly a year now, rumors of paranormal activity have swirled around Become Nosara, the Area 51-themed living complex just south of Guiones. Yesterday, hard evidence suddenly emerged. El Favorito door guard Héctor Sandoval Cerdas, who lives directly across the national road from Become Nosara, received a Ring door camera from his cousin Jose as

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  • Perozah to Become Conference Center

    Perozah to Become Conference Center

    In a move sure to disrupt the traditional full-moon celebrations of local indigenous tribes, Outpost Nosara has purchased both Perozah and Alex’s Fish Market in Garza. Perozah will be renamed the “Garza International Trade and Conference Center”, while Alex’s name will remain unchanged. “It’s a big day for both organizations,” said Brad Johannson, CEO of

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  • GBC Tunnel Underway

    GBC Tunnel Underway

    Shrugging off the firestorm of criticism surrounding him, the guy from Garza spent the weekend digging out the entrance to what will soon be the tunnel beneath Guiones Beach Club – the all-important link in the new route from the Bodhi Tree turnoff to the beach. “My cousin was up here helping me on Friday

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  • Bodhi Tree Bombshell: “Ceibo is the Jim Jones of K-Section”

    Bodhi Tree Bombshell: “Ceibo is the Jim Jones of K-Section”

    Bodhi Tree leveled serious accusations at beloved local sound healer Ceibo today, saying that their new AirTagging system shows “beyond any doubt” that nearly all of their guests who get “lost” on the way to the beach actually end up at Ceibo’s house in K-Section. “It’s unbelievable,” said Bodhi’s AirTag Project Leader, Geiner Solano Duarte,

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  • Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Esperanza residents awoke this morning to find a full pocket battalion of the Texas National Guard – including nearly 30 Humvees, ARADS, and Light Assault Vehicles – deployed in tactical formation in the parking lot of beloved local supermarket El Favorito. Khaki-clad soldiers had established a loose perimeter along the national road, and area residents

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  • Del Mar adds Organ Donation as payment option

    Del Mar adds Organ Donation as payment option

    Seeking to accommodate struggling local parents, Del Mar Academy has added organ donation to its list of payment options. “Eventually, parents will be able to use this option to fund other parts of the Del Mar experience,” said Helena Carter, enrollment specialist at Del Mar. “School uniforms, lunches, field trips, and surf camps. Larger donations

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  • Burnham Emerges From Jungle, Tells His Story

    Burnham Emerges From Jungle, Tells His Story

    Nosara Lately can now confirm that Rich Burnham – beloved host of Bearded Guy Checks the Surf and dude-who-fucked-up-the-four-million-dollar-Paltrow deal   –  has emerged from the jungle unharmed, and has now told his story. Allow us to set the scene, gentle reader. We were sitting in the luxurious underground bunker beneath the Nosara police station this

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  • Free K-Section rebels block road, list demands

    Free K-Section rebels block road, list demands

    The rebel flags of Free K-Section – with their Starlink logo and Whatsapp chat q-code – were fluttering in the wind yesterday when Nosara Lately was granted access to the newly established rebel enclave near El Bosque. Toyota pickups with surf racks and barrels of molasses were parked menacingly near several orange traffic cones that

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