Local News

  • ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    Nosara Lately has learned from well-placed sources that ICE is planning to cease all operations and withdraw completely from Guanacaste. “It’s a hellhole,” said one senior management figure. “I don’t know how we ever got into this place. It’s like Afghanistan.But worse.” Many ICE employees in Guanacaste have not seen their families since the rains

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  • Bodhi Tree Bombshell: “Ceibo is the Jim Jones of K-Section”

    Bodhi Tree Bombshell: “Ceibo is the Jim Jones of K-Section”

    Bodhi Tree leveled serious accusations at beloved local sound healer Ceibo today, saying that their new AirTagging system shows “beyond any doubt” that nearly all of their guests who get “lost” on the way to the beach actually end up at Ceibo’s house in K-Section. “It’s unbelievable,” said Bodhi’s AirTag Project Leader, Geiner Solano Duarte,

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  • Panic in Guiones as Morphic Field Approaches

    Panic in Guiones as Morphic Field Approaches

    The mood in downtown Guiones grew increasingly chaotic today as area residents and local business owners rushed to prepare for an oncoming Morphic Field event. Plywood sheets were going up on the windows at Surfing Nosara. A Pura Vida property management truck was being edged into place to protect the Pharmacy.  The National Rental Car

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  • Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Esperanza residents awoke this morning to find a full pocket battalion of the Texas National Guard – including nearly 30 Humvees, ARADS, and Light Assault Vehicles – deployed in tactical formation in the parking lot of beloved local supermarket El Favorito. Khaki-clad soldiers had established a loose perimeter along the national road, and area residents

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  • GBC Tunnel Underway

    GBC Tunnel Underway

    Shrugging off the firestorm of criticism surrounding him, the guy from Garza spent the weekend digging out the entrance to what will soon be the tunnel beneath Guiones Beach Club – the all-important link in the new route from the Bodhi Tree turnoff to the beach. “My cousin was up here helping me on Friday

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  • Del Mar adds Organ Donation as payment option

    Del Mar adds Organ Donation as payment option

    Seeking to accommodate struggling local parents, Del Mar Academy has added organ donation to its list of payment options. “Eventually, parents will be able to use this option to fund other parts of the Del Mar experience,” said Helena Carter, enrollment specialist at Del Mar. “School uniforms, lunches, field trips, and surf camps. Larger donations

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  • Jaime Anton Strikes Back

    Jaime Anton Strikes Back

    Stung by the hack of ‘Del Mar Moms’, local coder and feared white-hat OG Jaime Anton struck back hard this morning, releasing “Area Man” – a new app that lets area residents avoid well-known Area Man Kenny McTavish. “I was so tired of running into him, ” said Jaime. “And then Maggie said to me

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  • Guiones Tidepools: NCA Turtle Detection Program Begins

    Guiones Tidepools: NCA Turtle Detection Program Begins

    The new NCA program to regulate and monetize the Guiones tidepools got off to a smooth start yesterday, with nearly 100 tourists accessing the tidepools under the NCA’s new Turtle-Safe Tidepool Experience program. When we stopped by the Baker entrance yesterday, tidepool visitors were assembling just past the board scanning machine, before being escorted towards

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  • Bondi Targets Nosara in Press Conference

    Bondi Targets Nosara in Press Conference

    In a bizarre turn of events at a Washington DC press conference yesterday, strangely hot MAGA chick and US Attorney General Pamela Bondi listed Nosara – along with Chicago, Portland, Los Angeles, and 15 other cities –  as an Out of Control Hellhole where People Eat Dogs. (OCHPED) The OCHPED designation is significant: so far,

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