Local News

  • Become Nosara Battles Paranormal Forces

    Become Nosara Battles Paranormal Forces

    For nearly a year now, rumors of paranormal activity have swirled around Become Nosara, the Area 51-themed living complex just south of Guiones. Yesterday, hard evidence suddenly emerged. El Favorito door guard Héctor Sandoval Cerdas, who lives directly across the national road from Become Nosara, received a Ring door camera from his cousin Jose as

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  • Catastrophic Decline: Only 400 DJs Left in Nosara

    Catastrophic Decline: Only 400 DJs Left in Nosara

    The United Nations Subcommittee on Indigenous Cultures voted in a special emergency session yesterday to add the last 400 DJs in Nosara to the UN Watchlist of Endangered Native Populations, saying at a press conference that Nosara’s once-thriving DJ population “is under attack from all sides.” The sale of Perozah in Garza – a hallowed

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  • Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Nosarans woke this morning to the surreal news that Gwynneth Paltrow has bought both the Surfing Nosara building and the Rich Burnham media empire, consisting of Rich Burnham Podcast, This Week in Nosara, and Bearded Guy does Surf Check. Details are still emerging, but sources within Surfing Nosara have confirmed the following: The Surfing Nosara

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  • Board scanner in place at Baker entrance

    Board scanner in place at Baker entrance

    The mood was cheerful and light at the Baker entrance this morning as area surfers had their first encounter with the new NCA board scanning machine. Our alert readers will recall that the Nosara Conservation Alliance (NCA) last month – after nearly 12 years of research – finally identified coconut surf wax as the main

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  • Burnham Emerges From Jungle, Tells His Story

    Burnham Emerges From Jungle, Tells His Story

    Nosara Lately can now confirm that Rich Burnham – beloved host of Bearded Guy Checks the Surf and dude-who-fucked-up-the-four-million-dollar-Paltrow deal   –  has emerged from the jungle unharmed, and has now told his story. Allow us to set the scene, gentle reader. We were sitting in the luxurious underground bunker beneath the Nosara police station this

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  • Bodhi Tree Unveils Bold Plan to Air Tag All Guests

    Bodhi Tree Unveils Bold Plan to Air Tag All Guests

    Bodhi Tree announced today that beginning next month, they intend to AirTag all of their guests in a bold attempt to solve the persistent and somewhat embarrassing problem that nearly 30% of Bodhi Tree guests get lost while walking to the beach.  Many of these guests simply never come back – a situation that confuses

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  • Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Esperanza residents awoke this morning to find a full pocket battalion of the Texas National Guard – including nearly 30 Humvees, ARADS, and Light Assault Vehicles – deployed in tactical formation in the parking lot of beloved local supermarket El Favorito. Khaki-clad soldiers had established a loose perimeter along the national road, and area residents

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  • Perozah to Become Conference Center

    Perozah to Become Conference Center

    In a move sure to disrupt the traditional full-moon celebrations of local indigenous tribes, Outpost Nosara has purchased both Perozah and Alex’s Fish Market in Garza. Perozah will be renamed the “Garza International Trade and Conference Center”, while Alex’s name will remain unchanged. “It’s a big day for both organizations,” said Brad Johannson, CEO of

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  • ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    Nosara Lately has learned from well-placed sources that ICE is planning to cease all operations and withdraw completely from Guanacaste. “It’s a hellhole,” said one senior management figure. “I don’t know how we ever got into this place. It’s like Afghanistan.But worse.” Many ICE employees in Guanacaste have not seen their families since the rains

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