Local News

  • Tuesday market to be half-heartedly outlawed again

    Tuesday market to be half-heartedly outlawed again

    Area cacao merchants and organic food stands are relaying the news to each other that local police will again half-heartedly attempt to shut down the Tuesday market in Guiones next week, before disappearing completely for the next few months. “That’s fine, I needed to go see my friends in Tempe for a week,” said local

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  • ICE to begin rolling blackouts in K-section

    ICE to begin rolling blackouts in K-section

    Nosara Lately has learned from well-placed sources within ICE that rolling blackouts in K-Section will be ICE’s new tool for combating the frequent power outages in Nosara. “It’s only fair,” said ICE spokesperson and Nicoya municipal council member Yolian Ortiz Solano. “K-Section people are richer than everyone else. And they are mostly never here anyhow.”

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  • Pelada to use windmills against dengue

    Pelada to use windmills against dengue

    Peladans will go to the polls this week to decide whether three large windmills should be built in low-lying areas near Olgas. The proposed windmills would increase the airflow across lower Pelada, and with the increased airflow and turbulence induced by the traditional Dutch blades, both biting and fornicating opportunities for local mosquitoes are expected

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  • Instagram posts from Maritime Zone will be monitored, fined.

    Instagram posts from Maritime Zone will be monitored, fined.

    Nosara Lately has learned that the Nosara Conservation Alliance (NCA) intends to monitor and fine beachgoers who send Instagram posts from Guiones beach at sunset.  As most locals know, the NCA has been empowered by hidden forces that no one understands to cleanse the Maritime Zone of all non-turtle-related activity. “Over the last six months,

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  • New gondola to link Bodhi Tree to Baker entrance

    New gondola to link Bodhi Tree to Baker entrance

    Nosara Lately can now confirm that advanced-stage engineering drawings have come to light, showing what appears to be a gondola system linking Bodhi Tree to the beach. The engineering tube containing the drawings was accidentally left behind by an unidentified man at the Organico food bar. “He asked for kale in his pokebowl, but then

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  • Speed cameras to be installed in K-Section

    Speed cameras to be installed in K-Section

    Reports from trusted sources indicate to Nosara Lately that speed cameras will be installed in K-Section, some as soon as this December. Or possibly a couple of years from now. Local K-Section residents contacted for comment had mixed opinions. “It’s about damn time,” said one famously grumpy B&B owner, known throughout K-Section for the Omaha

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  • K-Section loses cultural fixture

    K-Section loses cultural fixture

    Many of our faithful readers have long wondered why K-Section gets coated in molasses all dry season long, while North Guiones turns into a dusty Algerian hellhole.  Nosara Lately can now confirm that a brazen operation by the Nosara Police in cooperation with the Nosara Conservation Alliance (NCA) has located the missing North Guoines molasses

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  • Beach Frog Will Not Rebrand as Denny’s, actually

    Beach Frog Will Not Rebrand as Denny’s, actually

    The iconic Beach Frog lashed out at Nosara Lately today, saying that “there is no chance in hell”  that The Frog will be rebranded as a Denny’s restaurant. Threatening that their Dad would beat us up if we didn’t take it all back, they told us to retract our story  –  because you know,  Everyone

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  • Police: Well-oiled chest no subsitute for reflective vest.

    Police: Well-oiled chest no subsitute for reflective vest.

    Local yoga instructor, DJ, and plant medicine facilitator Tai Childers was stopped and ticketed by Nosara police yesterday just north of Bodhi Tree for riding his ATV without the legally required reflective vest. Childers argued in vain for nearly half an hour that his well-oiled chest was sufficiently reflective to be noticed by oncoming traffic,

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