• Headshop Lawyer Adds “5-Minute Divorce”

    Headshop Lawyer Adds “5-Minute Divorce”

    Headshop Lawyer – top-rated locally on TripAdvisor for immigration papers, smoking accessories, and Delta 9 gummies – has now added a “5 Minute Express Divorce” package to her deep bench of legal and smoke-related products, noting that the “5 minutes” applies to qualified clients only. “That’s pretty much anyone who is building a house in

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  • Area Man Finishes Telling About his 29th Year

    Area Man Finishes Telling About his 29th Year

    Beloved local guy Henry Chapman finally wrapped up the story of his 29th year this last Friday night, with the final minutes of 1985 being quietly related to two girls from Tamarindo as they sat by the fire on the beach outside Perozah. The two girls, uncertain of what they had just experienced for the

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  • Black Box Rebrands to Pink Box

    Black Box Rebrands to Pink Box

    The residents of North Guiones awoke yesterday morning to find their beloved local high-end 4×4 dealership, Black Box transformed into Pink Box – the luxury sex toy and vagina-scented candle boutique that North Guiones has long been demanding. Few imagined that it would be Gwyneth Paltrow herself who would answer their calls. Gwyneth Paltrow herself

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  • Lobo To Lead Redesign of Alex’s Fish Market

    Lobo To Lead Redesign of Alex’s Fish Market

    Highly regarded Nosara design firm Lobo confirmed today that they have been chosen for the prestigious redesign of Alex’s Fish Market, one of the most beloved and authentic landmarks in Garza – and soon to be the only remaining authentic spot in Garza. As Nosara Lately reported last week, the recent Outpost Nosara purchase of

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  • Shanti Moonwater Special Report: Tuk-Tuk Hunk

    Shanti Moonwater Special Report: Tuk-Tuk Hunk

    By now, everybody knows who Tuk-Tuk Hunk is. I had been seeing him for months. At La bomba. At the Main entrance. Heading up the hill into Las Huacas. No tank top. His chest professionally oiled, forever just coming from a photoshoot – or – A Tuk-Tuk Hunk booking. On Tuk-Tuk-Hunk.com, his boyish looks and

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  • Magic Cookie Butter Crosses Over, Howler Population Explodes

    Magic Cookie Butter Crosses Over, Howler Population Explodes

    For months now, the steady increase in the local howler population has supplied area residents with the feel-good story we all needed. The catastrophic decline in the local DJ population over the past months has left many of us despondent and psychologically unmoored. Alcohol sales have increased, personal massage numbers are up, and several we

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  • K-Section Gem: 25 Beds, 1 Toilet, No Shower

    K-Section Gem: 25 Beds, 1 Toilet, No Shower

    Pressured by Del Mar tuitions, truck payments, and rising poke prices, local realtors have been scrambling to find new income streams to tide them over until 2036, when JD Vance will finish his second term and the local real estate market is expected to finally bounce back. Leading the way – as usual – is

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  • I Paid 45$ to Touch Kyle Mitchri’s Chest Hair.

    I Paid 45$ to Touch Kyle Mitchri’s Chest Hair.

    And – spoiler alert – I booked a follow-up. Nosara Lately Consumer Report: The Kyle Mitchri Experience For many months now, whispers have swirled through Nosara about the Kyle Mitchri Chest Hair Experience – regarded as perhaps the hottest ticket in Nosara’s extensive Spiritual Marketplace. Both women and men have described the mini-sessions as “beyond

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  • Area woman spotted in loose fitting clothing

    Area woman spotted in loose fitting clothing

    Nosara Lately has received reports that an area woman was seen wearing loose, non-revealing clothing at least twice this week. Details are hard to come by, and journalistic norms prevent us from revealing her identity. But Nosara Lately can confirm that the clothing in question was a pair of grey sweatpants. “It’s just so gross,”

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