Opinion

  • Headshop Lawyer Adds “5-Minute Divorce”

    Headshop Lawyer Adds “5-Minute Divorce”

    Headshop Lawyer – top-rated locally on TripAdvisor for immigration papers, smoking accessories, and Delta 9 gummies – has now added a “5 Minute Express Divorce” package to her deep bench of legal and smoke-related products, noting that the “5 minutes” applies to qualified clients only. “That’s pretty much anyone who is building a house in

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  • Area Man Finishes Telling About his 29th Year

    Area Man Finishes Telling About his 29th Year

    Beloved local guy Henry Chapman finally wrapped up the story of his 29th year this last Friday night, with the final minutes of 1985 being quietly related to two girls from Tamarindo as they sat by the fire on the beach outside Perozah. The two girls, uncertain of what they had just experienced for the

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  • K-Section Gem: 25 Beds, 1 Toilet, No Shower

    K-Section Gem: 25 Beds, 1 Toilet, No Shower

    Pressured by Del Mar tuitions, truck payments, and rising poke prices, local realtors have been scrambling to find new income streams to tide them over until 2036, when JD Vance will finish his second term and the local real estate market is expected to finally bounce back. Leading the way – as usual – is

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  • Price of avocados at Organico dips briefly

    Price of avocados at Organico dips briefly

    Alert K-Section residents were quick to take advantage of the situation yesterday when the price of avocados dipped briefly at beloved local market Organico. The reason for the price drop was unknown. Some speculated a mistake had been made on the sign. Others saw deeper forces at play, muttering about a certain area hotel and

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  • Black Box Rebrands to Pink Box

    Black Box Rebrands to Pink Box

    The residents of North Guiones awoke yesterday morning to find their beloved local high-end 4×4 dealership, Black Box transformed into Pink Box – the luxury sex toy and vagina-scented candle boutique that North Guiones has long been demanding. Few imagined that it would be Gwyneth Paltrow herself who would answer their calls. Gwyneth Paltrow herself

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  • Major Architectural Award to ‘Become Nosara’

    Major Architectural Award to ‘Become Nosara’

    ‘Become Nosara’, Nosara’s beloved Area-51 themed living complex, was yesterday awarded the prestigious Concrete Building Visible from Space (CBVS) award at the annual Comcon conference in Los Angeles.  Previous winners of the prize have included a football stadium in Brazil, a phosphorus mine in Western Sahara, and the seawall along the Thames, in central London.

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  • I Paid 45$ to Touch Kyle Mitchri’s Chest Hair.

    I Paid 45$ to Touch Kyle Mitchri’s Chest Hair.

    And – spoiler alert – I booked a follow-up. Nosara Lately Consumer Report: The Kyle Mitchri Experience For many months now, whispers have swirled through Nosara about the Kyle Mitchri Chest Hair Experience – regarded as perhaps the hottest ticket in Nosara’s extensive Spiritual Marketplace. Both women and men have described the mini-sessions as “beyond

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  • Beach Frog Will Not Rebrand as Denny’s, actually

    Beach Frog Will Not Rebrand as Denny’s, actually

    The iconic Beach Frog lashed out at Nosara Lately today, saying that “there is no chance in hell”  that The Frog will be rebranded as a Denny’s restaurant. Threatening that their Dad would beat us up if we didn’t take it all back, they told us to retract our story  –  because you know,  Everyone

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  • Morphic Field Speaks Out

    Morphic Field Speaks Out

    Stung by the negative press coverage of its Impending Arrival in Guiones, the Morphic Field reached out to Nosara Lately yesterday afternoon with a request for a sit-down, hoping to clear the air. “We feel misunderstood”, said the Morphic Field. These words drifted up to us slowly through the liquid of our large black Magic

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