A major European conference devoted to the study of blue zones worldwide declared yesterday it was unable to account for the high rate of unhealed individuals in the Guanacaste province of Costa Rica.

” All the data indicate this should not be the case”, said Bjorn Gudvald, head of the cultural anthropology division at the University of Stockholm. “You have a situation with a high incidence of affluent non-natives, in a blue zone area famous for the quality of life. The men mainly appear to spend their days surfing and doing yoga, the women posting on Instagram and kickboxing, and riding ATVs. But despite all this, it seems that nearly everyone is trying to get healed. And what’s really concerning is that most of the healers themselves seem to be unhealed. It’s a bit of a kjøpsentersak (clusterfuck) ” he concluded, switching to Swedish.

But not everyone shares Gudvald’s point of view. Critics point out that the European conference is primarily made up of humanists and anthropologists, and does not account for the significant number of progressive, neo-libertarian academics all across Europe who see this new data as an exciting development. “We are watching the evolution of a blue zone in real time,” said Werner Heisenberg, grandson of the famous nuclear physicist. “It gives me goosebumps. I dream of going to this place – Nosara. Where the women are strong and the men have beards and hold space. And everyone rides ATV’s. “