Area Buddhists awoke this morning to the bewildering news that the much-beloved Nosara Zen Center will be rebranding into a Platinum-Level Joe Dispenza Meditation Center – one of only 550 such centers worldwide.
Nosara Lately stopped in at the Zen Center this morning and can confirm to our readers that the rebrand is well underway. The wooden arches above the temple gates have already been taken down, and we were greeted by the impressive sight of an 8-meter-high brushed aluminum profile of Joe Dispenza being hoisted into place by crane. We asked the venerable leader of the Center, Roshi Juan Kenoshi, about what catalyzed this change, and this is what he said:
“Well, you know, like everyone else in Nosara, our Instagram posts are all auto-generated by the Wisdom AI plugin on our Meta business account. We had it programmed to post generic, middle-of-the-road Zen type content – you know, Alan Watts, Pema Chodron, that sort of thing. But one day it went rogue and posted some random Joe Dispenza quote – something something blah blah abundance, whatever – and our stats went through the roof. More than 2000 shares in 24 hours. You just can’t walk away from social media results like that.”
Alert readers will remember a similar Wisdom AI incident several months ago, when – in a boosted post for the much-anticipated Virgo Rising Claim Your Ancestral Female Power Menstruation and Social Media Goddess workshop at Casa Pacifico –  the Wisdom AI app inexplicably swapped out the word “cacao” and inserted the words “baby goat meat” into the description of the opening ceremony. Many members of the beautiful Nosara Fam are still working through this trauma – skillfully assisted by the deep bench of plant medicine specialists and somatic therapists that Nosara is known for.
As he gathered his robes, signaling an end to our conversation, Kenoshi added, with a twinkle in his eye, “Out with Buddha, in with Joe. Non-attachment is the doorway to freedom in Zen.”
Nosara Lately did not know if this was some kind of Zen koan or if the Roshi was just fucking with us. It’s always hard to tell with these Zen types. Kenoshi concluded by saying, “We’re getting rid of all the Zen swag – the lamps, the buddhas, and the Japanese doors. Doesn’t really go with the Dispenza vibe. So, tell your readers if they want some free Zen stuff, they can stop by anytime this weekend.”
