The UN Committee on Indigenous Cultures announced yesterday that provisional recognition and protected status has been bestowed upon Guanacaste’s most well-known indigenous tribe, the Beautiful Nosara Fam.

“Seen through the eyes of a cultural anthropologist, the Beautiful Nosara Fam is truly a modern indigenous group, native in every sense of the word, said Bjorn Thunquist, head of Indigenous Studies at the University of Stockholm, and chair of the UN Committee.   “They have their own idioms, their own dances, and a remarkably advanced system of trade based entirely on something called an ‘energy exchange’, which we still don’t fully understand. Gender roles are fluid –  as in many prehistoric cultures. The women spend their days kickboxing and driving ATVs, while the men mainly share emotions in circles and hold space – a culturally-enforced process that all males in the tribe must go through in order to become the men that women deserve.”

But what really sets the Beautiful Nosara Fam apart, according to Thunquist, is the remarkable syntax and deeply-coded tribal norms that define their main communication channel, a WhatsApp group called the Magica Collectiva.
“It is here that the indigenous culture really shines. Newcomers quickly adopt the language, which consists of ten words, endlessly combined. Beautiful, magical, breathing, humans – and just six more.”

Here, Thunquist pauses and lowers his voice. “What’s really special is that we can monitor this WhatsApp channel and watch this language evolve in real time. Two new words – which we don’t really yet understand – seem to be rapidly establishing themselves, and may soon become part of the core vocabulary out of which all the tribe’s sentences are formed. “Somatic” and “Casa Pacifico”.”

In the end, confided Thunquist to our reporter, it was a difficult decision to make. Another oppressed group in Nosara – the last four Nosarans who do not practice Joe Dispenza meditation – were also deserving of protection, but lacked the tribal cohesion of the Beautiful Nosara Fam.

Nosara Lately was unable to reach these four Nosarans for comment, as they have apparently taken shelter at a safehouse in an undisclosed location, somewhere in the hills above Esperanza.