Legendary local attorney Andrés González yesterday filed suit against the entire nation of Costa Rica, charging that Costa Rica has ‘delayed long enough’ the inevitable switch to English as Costa Rica’s national language.
In a masterfully written seven page brief to the Supreme Court, arguing on behalf of local sour-ass K-Section guy Kenneth Mctavish, the first person to arrive in Nosara, Andres brilliantly weaves together nearly two thousand years of Latin American history into a compelling narrative of human progress and legal evolution, ending it all with a simple, Tik-Tok friendly question for the Court: how many more years should someone like Mctavish be forced to use the back side of the menu at Rosies?
Veteran legal observers note that this TikTok-friendly ending is a classic, old-school Andres hustle. A quick look at IBL’s Google Analytics page shows that in the 24 hours since the filing, nearly 14,000 people have clicked through to the English-language page of the IBL website, resulting in a 10 percent bounce rate, over 5000 Facebook shares, two requests for a cheesecake recipe, five people trying to find the Lock and Go number, and 4213 clicks on the “Join Our Class Action Lawsuit” button.
Leaning back in his deep leather barrister chair, Andres chuckled at these numbers and said to Nosara Lately, “I think Kenny’s suit is completely reasonable. He’s been here 20 years – and he still can’t read the front side of Rosie’s menu. At some point, you need to ask yourself – does it make more sense for Kenny to change, or the five million people of Costa Rica?”
Asked about the separate lawsuit McTavish has filed with the International Court in The Hague – arguing that Costa Rica’s use of Spanish constitutes “cruel and unusual linguistic inconvenience.” – Andres laughed again, and said, “He’s on his own with that one. That has bad legal counsel from Chat GTP written all over it.”
Mctavish, who bristles when people refer to him as an “immigrant” instead of an expat, spent last Sunday at K-Raes gathering the 47 signatures that Costa Rican law requires before suing the national government. Most people said later that they thought it was a petition about potholes; the rest said they just signed to get MacTavish out of their face.
By this point in our conversation with Andres, the cognac bottle was out, the late afternoon sunlight was streaming in through the back window of IBL, and Andres had grown reflective. “This might be the most interesting constitutional challenge of my career,” he said. “I don’t get that many cases that go straight to the heart of what a just and fair society should look like. Mostly, it’s just people from the Lock and Go who need a will. Or someone trying to sue the NCA.”
Nosara Lately contacted the Upper Court in San Jose for comment, but received only a WhatsApp screenshot from an unknown number showing McTavish’s lawsuit taped to a refrigerator, smeared with taco sauce, the words ‘gringo momento’ scrawled across it in blue. “Perfect,” said Andres, sipping his cognac with a smile. “I like it when my opponent does not grasp what a case is really all about.”
