A culture war has erupted in Guiones over the naming of the new UN-funded gondola that will link K-Section to Pelada, with stops at Olo Alaia, Howlers, and El Chivos. A light-hearted contest to name the Gondola is rapidly turning into a referendum on the very soul of this town.
Casa Vitality, the original driving force behind the Gondola, has since the very beginning referred to the Gondola as the “Pelada – Guiones Skylink” – a name that totally sounds like what a couple of white guys running a high-end B&B would name a Gondola. Stung by the many ‘two white guys decide to name a Gondola’ jokes circulating in K-Section, Casa Vitality decided on a fun, inclusive contest to let the town name the Gondola instead.
Voting boxes were set out at local businesses, schools, and nightspots. The mood was civic and cheerful. But within 48 hours – in a move that stunned the town – the box at El Chivos was overflowing with over 1800 hand-scribbled bar napkins calling for “Bongola” to be the new name – reflecting this demographic’s deep cultural roots in the burner heartland that stretches from Boulder to Big Sky.
Shocked parents and teachers at Casa Estrellas have spent the week shielding this news from their children, who, after three days of guided emotional exploration, forest walks, and role-playing, voted unanimously in yellow crayon on blue paper for “GondyBondyDingDong”.
Other local subcultures have also joined the fray. At Del Mar School, 450 identical votes for “Never Give Up, Your Best Self is Waiting at the Next Gondola Stop” somehow found their way into the voting box. In Nosara’s Magica WhatsApp chat, “Beautiful Nosara Tram” and “Constellation Spiritual Voyager” are neck and neck, with several accidental votes for a used Prado in good condition. Nosara’s remaining 400 DJs are uniting passionately behind an obscure reference in a Venezuelan rap song that nobody else understands or really cares about.
Local real estate agents are apoplectic. “GondyBondyDingDong? Are you fucking kidding me? Is this town run by Teletubbies or what?” said Mango Real Estate owner Elizabeth Candele. “Pelada Skylink”. That fucking sells homes. Please God. Stop punishing me.”
Del Mar Academy, apparently realizing that 450 identical votes for a Really Stupid Name was a bad look on several levels, has thrown its weight behind the children of Casa Estrellas – a move that has catapulted ‘GondyBondyDingDong’ into a strong second-place. But sitting on a comfortable 900-vote lead, the crowd at Chivos is in full chill mode, confident that ‘Bongola’ will carry the day.
We shared a Monopoly table at a packed Ayahuasca Board Game Monday at Chivos last night with several OG locals, including beloved Quebradas drummer Kenny Brubaker. “Bongola ….that name takes me back to my roots,” he said, looking up slowly from his Park Place deed, his pupils like jungle pools. “Powder mornings and bong hits in the first chair up the mountain…..man….. those were the days.”
Despite the relaxed confidence exuded by the Chivo crowd, Nosara Lately is hearing that ‘Bongola’ is not a done deal. Behind the scenes, the Nosara Conservation Association (NCA) is quietly working with the Hidden Forces that Really Run Nosara (HFRRN) to pull the plug on the entire contest. Pressure is being exerted on Casa Vitality, with quiet threats to block their visionary alligator refuge and dog park. There are whispers of a grand deal in the works – in which the NCA fully funds the tunnel under Guiones Beach Club, in return for Casa Vitality canceling the contest and saying, ‘Ahh, sorry guys, our bad, we already told the UN the name.’
Therapists are already standing by at Casa Estrellas, fully prepared to support children, parents, and teachers should ‘GondyBondyDingDong’ not carry the day. Super Nosara has confirmed extra stock of crayons and colored paper, and Nosara’s beloved Bomberos – apparently misreading absolutely everything – have said they will be setting up a fundraising tent and dunking station tomorrow at Casa Estrellas to raise funds for their new fire truck.
