A Free K-Section (FKR) supply convoy moving through El Bosque came under fire today by unknown paramilitary forces. No one was injured in the chaotic encounter, but one Rebel quad sustained bullet damage, and a mobile Starlink unit was damaged by a crate of avocados that came loose during the mayhem.
The rebel convoy – consisting of three ATV’s and Amin’s dog Leo from Pacifico, who always follows everyone everywhere – was returning from a supply run to El Favorito, where they had loaded up on soda, chips, some new black Havanas, and a cooler full of Imperials. Leo the dog was running point several hundred yards in front when shots began to ring out.
“We knew something was wrong when we heard the shots,” said FKR member, K-Section resident and diversified Vanguard portfolio investor Patrick Hansen. “Automatic weapon fire in El Bosque is not really all that common. But we knew Amin’s dog was out there somewhere. So we charged it.”
Gunning their ATV’s forward, the rebels immediately came under fire themselves. Under rebel protocol, they could not draw their pepper spray canisters without a clear ID on the enemy – and anyhow, they were all off their ATV’s by then and crawling desperately away, trying not to bruise the avocados, which were by then totally in their way.
For Hansen, everything had become a blur. He was underneath his ATV. He saw two avocados rolling past that definitely looked like they could be saved. As he lunged for them, his eyes went up, and he caught the only real glimpse that anyone got.
“Big guy. White guy.”
Texas guy.
With a rocket launcher.
The Texas Pocket Battalion was not missing at all. Clearly, they had kicked some paranormal ass up in Become Nosara. And now here they were, moving unopposed through the Amish settlement of El Bosque.
But why open fire on Amin’s dog? No one could figure that part out.
As evening settled in over the Free K-Section rebel encampment near the back gate of El Bosque, the rebels were licking their wounds, and assessing their losses. A lot of ice had been lost from the cooler. The rescued avocados had been sorted and re-bagged. The bullet holes were left unrepaired because, well, bullet holes in your quad, how cool is that? Cold Imperials were cracked open, NYSE closing numbers were checked, and grandchildren began to flicker onto iPhone screens.
And when night had finally fallen, and the darkness was complete, the phone screens flickered off, one by one, until there was finally only the green pulsing light of the rebel’s Starlink atop the Toyota Tacoma, which spoke its soft and soothing lie again and again and again. All is well. All is well. All is well.
