Bodhi Tree announced today that beginning next month, they intend to AirTag all of their guests in a bold attempt to solve the persistent and somewhat embarrassing problem that nearly 30% of Bodhi Tree guests get lost while walking to the beach.  Many of these guests simply never come back – a situation that confuses the housekeeping staff and significantly erodes the bottom line at the Bodhi Tree Juice Bar.

Bodhi Tree was on the verge of solving this problem with its proposed Bodhi to Baker Gondola, which was designed to transfer Bodhi guests directly to the beach in securely locked gondola cars – solving the problem for once and for all. But in the sudden, vicious turf war that broke out last week in Guiones, Casa Vitality brilliantly outflanked Bodhi Tree by assembling a broad coalition of local bars and indigenous tribes behind its own Gondola plan – the Guiones to Pelada Skylink  –  forcing Bodhi Tree to abandon its Gondola plans altogether.

Bodhi’s preparations for AirTagging are reaching an advanced stage. Drone photos from an alert reader show a state-of-the-art, twelve-foot tracking dish already in place atop the Oceana Shala. AirTag testing is also well underway: for over a week now, Bodhi has been letting several AirTagged attack dogs run loose each night in K-Section.  “It’s pretty cool,” said one of the handlers late last night, showing us the four glowing dots racing across his cell phone screen.

This man with the cell phone turned out to be Bodhi Tree’s Air Tag Project Leader, Geiner Solano Duarte. Under questioning, he admitted,  “Our real challenge is going to be the guests who like to go everywhere in their yoga outfits.  Especially those Prana and LuLuLemon outfits. It’s gonna be kind of invasive, finding someplace to put the Air Tag.”

Sources inside Bodhi Tree tell Nosara Lately that Bodhi Tree was initially quite convinced that tastefully designed, elegantly branded Bodhi Tree Signature Line Suppositories would provide a smooth, natural solution for this problem.  This idea was eventually abandoned due to the fact that insertion of the suppositories could not be either monitored or verified, and Bodhi Tree would have absolutely no control over how these tastefully designed and elegantly branded Bodhi Tree Signature Line suppositories would be presented on social media. Lastly, many Bodhi Tree guests identify themselves as lactose-intolerant on their registration forms. “Some of them do it just to get the upgraded menu”, said Duarte. “But for some of them, it’s a real thing. That’s just not somewhere we want to go.”

For guests whose sheer, tight-fitting yoga clothing cannot accommodate the Air Tags, a pleasing variety of small Bodhi Tree accessories – such as scrunchies, visors, and bracelets – will be available with the Air Tags tastefully concealed. By early next year, Bodhi Tree plans to have extracted the small antennas from inside the Air Tags,  and all arriving guests will have the tiny wires inserted just beneath their skin while receiving their complementary henna tattoos during happy hour on the first day. “It should go smoothly,” said a Bodhi Tree spokesperson. “We are going to pitch it as a mini-booster against Dengue, and let them riff on social media about how exotic and dangerous Nosara is. Content for them, extra branding for us. Win-win.”