Local News

  • Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Gwynneth Paltrow Buys Surfing Nosara Media Empire

    Nosarans woke this morning to the surreal news that Gwynneth Paltrow has bought both the Surfing Nosara building and the Rich Burnham media empire, consisting of Rich Burnham Podcast, This Week in Nosara, and Bearded Guy does Surf Check. Details are still emerging, but sources within Surfing Nosara have confirmed the following: The Surfing Nosara

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  • Prominent Nosara Lawyer Sues Entire Country

    Prominent Nosara Lawyer Sues Entire Country

    Legendary local attorney Andrés González yesterday filed suit against the entire nation of Costa Rica, charging that  Costa Rica has ‘delayed long enough’ the inevitable switch to English as Costa Rica’s national language. In a masterfully written seven page brief to the Supreme Court, arguing on behalf of local sour-ass K-Section guy Kenneth Mctavish, the

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  • ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    ICE to withdraw completely from Guanacaste

    Nosara Lately has learned from well-placed sources that ICE is planning to cease all operations and withdraw completely from Guanacaste. “It’s a hellhole,” said one senior management figure. “I don’t know how we ever got into this place. It’s like Afghanistan.But worse.” Many ICE employees in Guanacaste have not seen their families since the rains

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  • Perozah to Become Conference Center

    Perozah to Become Conference Center

    In a move sure to disrupt the traditional full-moon celebrations of local indigenous tribes, Outpost Nosara has purchased both Perozah and Alex’s Fish Market in Garza. Perozah will be renamed the “Garza International Trade and Conference Center”, while Alex’s name will remain unchanged. “It’s a big day for both organizations,” said Brad Johannson, CEO of

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  • Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Texas National Guard Deploys to Esperanza

    Esperanza residents awoke this morning to find a full pocket battalion of the Texas National Guard – including nearly 30 Humvees, ARADS, and Light Assault Vehicles – deployed in tactical formation in the parking lot of beloved local supermarket El Favorito. Khaki-clad soldiers had established a loose perimeter along the national road, and area residents

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  • United Nations gives Provisional Recognition to Beautiful Nosara Fam

    United Nations gives Provisional Recognition to Beautiful Nosara Fam

    The UN Committee on Indigenous Cultures announced yesterday that provisional recognition and protected status has been bestowed upon Guanacaste’s most well-known indigenous tribe, the Beautiful Nosara Fam. “Seen through the eyes of a cultural anthropologist, the Beautiful Nosara Fam is truly a modern indigenous group, native in every sense of the word, said Bjorn Thunquist,

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  • Burnham Emerges From Jungle, Tells His Story

    Burnham Emerges From Jungle, Tells His Story

    Nosara Lately can now confirm that Rich Burnham – beloved host of Bearded Guy Checks the Surf and dude-who-fucked-up-the-four-million-dollar-Paltrow deal   –  has emerged from the jungle unharmed, and has now told his story. Allow us to set the scene, gentle reader. We were sitting in the luxurious underground bunker beneath the Nosara police station this

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  • UN backs Casa Vitality Gondola with 2M USD

    UN backs Casa Vitality Gondola with 2M USD

    Nosarans awoke this morning to yet another mind-bending development in the local Gondola war between Bodhi Tree and the grass-roots business alliance assembled by Casa Vitality. Our correspondent in Brussels filed this report over telegram, due to yesterday’s 5.9 earthquake that cut Nosara off from the outside world. BEGIN  UN pledges 200 million to Casa

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  • Bondi Targets Nosara in Press Conference

    Bondi Targets Nosara in Press Conference

    In a bizarre turn of events at a Washington DC press conference yesterday, strangely hot MAGA chick and US Attorney General Pamela Bondi listed Nosara – along with Chicago, Portland, Los Angeles, and 15 other cities –  as an Out of Control Hellhole where People Eat Dogs. (OCHPED) The OCHPED designation is significant: so far,

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