Esperanza residents awoke this morning to find a full pocket battalion of the Texas National Guard – including nearly 30 Humvees, ARADS, and Light Assault Vehicles – deployed in tactical formation in the parking lot of beloved local supermarket El Favorito. Khaki-clad soldiers had established a loose perimeter along the national road, and area residents with nothing better to do counted nearly 60 soldiers going in and out of the market. These same observers also confirmed to Nosara Lately that the entire battalion respected El Favorito’s very stupid and pointless rule about leaving through the other door.
The battalion disappeared as quickly as they arrived, moving in tight formation up the 160, Texas flags and antennas whipping in the wind, and then mysteriously disappeared. Several tuk-tuk drivers independently confirmed to Nosara Lately that the battalion suddenly – without any warning – turned off the national road and disappeared into the Become Nosara complex.
We reached out by phone to Become Nosara marketing director Chad Helmsworth, who said he was in Mazatlan, and didn’t know anything about a Texas National Guard battalion in Become Nosara. But maybe they were just going in to use the co-working space, because you know, it’s an amazing co-working space, and it has that old school Nosara vibe.
By 11 am, downtown Guiones was abuzz with the news. Nosara Lately stopped in at Olo Alaia to take the pulse, and heard many theories being exchanged. The battalion was en route to Venezuela. The battalion had been ordered by President Trump to protect the dogs of Nosara. One person said he saw an American lady try three times with her card at the BAC ATM and then burst into tears. But it was Jimbo Truing – Surfing Nosara partner and former winter warfare trainer for Nato troops in Finland – who came with the most perceptive observation:
“Let’s say you’re a battalion. You want to be ready to move in any direction. You don’t want the locals fucking with you. You want to be someplace where no one ever goes. You want to melt into the landscape, so no one even knows you are here. You want to be able to hit Organico for a poke, get in a class at Bodhi Tree, and be back at your tank by 4. Now. That’s word-for-word the exact marketing pitch on the Become Nosara website. Don’t you guys get it?”
The mood grew somber as everyone absorbed these words. The silence was broken only by the hiss of the kambucha machine. The Texas National Guard was bivouaced at Become Nosara. But nobody could figure out why.
